Miscarriage – A Spiritual View: “Instincts”

Participant in a Miscarriage Study on Facebook. Originally posted in Facebook on 7 March 2011

Lisa from Australia writes: The start of my suspicion of miscarriage or something really wrong started early on Friday morning night a few weeks ago (4 Feb) when I got up at 1am to get a drink of water. I came downstairs and as I was about to get a drink I felt very strange, hot, sweaty and I was feeling like I was blacking out, dark then light. I knew I wasn’t well and managed to make it upstairs to my bedroom, as I entered the room and got to the end of my bed I collapsed, not unconscious, but my body became jelly like, could not control my muscles so I couldn’t get up, my heart was going crazy – fast. After 5 or so minutes I was able to get up into bed. This feeling continued for another 5 or so minutes then went away and I felt fine. At lunchtime the next day I noticed very very light bleeding. Not all the time, only sometimes. The same on the Saturday, no bleeding Sunday. It was an almost brown blood (which I have since found out is a sign of missed miscarriage). I went to the doctor on the Friday after I collapsed and as it was afternoon had to wait until Monday as no u/sound avail. Monday (7 Feb) when I woke I had a red blood, again not a lot but more than before. No cramps at all. I went to hospital that morning and in the afternoon they did u/sound and told me I had lost baby at 8 weeks and 2 days – 2 weeks before (at time of confirmation of miscarriage I should have been 10 weeks 2 days). I went home that night as I was booked in the following day for D & C. The day of the D & C I passed baby at home. I went back to hospital to have the D & C. I am so sad, although this was baby #5 (my 3 sons are teens and my daughter in18mths old – we wanted a sibling for her closer in age) and am hoping to try again soon. I so really wanted to meet this little angel. This is my first miscarriage. All previous pregnancies were a breeze and healthy.

Lisa needs to learn that life does not go as we plan. She has been in control of her life for so long that she is not used to having it take care of itself. Things are going to change in Lisa’s life shortly, and not under her control. Her older teens until now have been very forgiving as teenagers but their time has come to show her who’s the boss. I don’t know why now and why all three together but it will happen and she must let it happen.

This is also the reason for the extended miscarriage experience (two weeks). One thing Lisa did not do was follow her instincts. She just convinced herself that everything was okay and ignored it so that it will be so. However it only brought on confusion, anxiety and pain (not physical). If she had listened to her instincts instead of trying to control them, she would have known that the fetus has passed. Lisa you need to listen with your heart and not with your mind.

I feel that now is not the time to bring another child but to let your big kids get some attention. Let them rebel and fight with you. Let them release the inside beast within all teenagers. They will do it together, against each other and drive you nuts. Listen with your instincts of when to fight them and when to let them just do their crazy thing. Release them some or else they will rebel some more. Like the the miscarriage episode it will throw you through a loop-de-loop (like a roller coaster) with all the physical, emotionally and mental hardships. Then it will be over (I feel it a short strong storm rather than a long dragging rain) and you will come out of it emotionally exhausted. I do not think the Lisa could handle a toddler, being pregnant or mother to a new born, and these rebellious teenagers at the same time. And those teenagers need their turn (better now than later). When the storm has blown over and the house has settled, the soul will return in a new body if you are still interested, like the first sunlight after the storm (which sometimes produces rainbows).

Lisa, I hope this helps you make sense of your difficult experience. I tried to shorten your letter but figured there was a reason you wrote so much. Good luck with the older children (you will need it). I also feel that your youngest one will be understanding during this time. Thank you for your participation.

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