I often speak of overcoming life lessons. Breaking out of the uncomfortable comfort zone. Overcoming one’s fears and inabilities that stop you for doing or becoming who you know you should become. Wishing you had the strength to do what others can do but you yourself can’t. Yet I am again reminded that overcoming my own life lesson is so difficult, the pull to return to the uncomfortable me in my old habits is strong, like an addiction. Yet I know I need to be strong, to pull through, to overcome my life lesson.
Through our childhood and young adulthood we set up our habits of living or personality characteristics. Some of these characteristics we are born with, I feel them when I channel an unborn child in my psychic readings. Some we receive from our parents through modeling or conditioning as children. Our life tragedies refine these behaviors or coping mechanisms, molding the way we face the future and what life throws at us. These coping mechanisms may be unhealthy, which in my professional opinion, that is exactly what they are meant to be.
Around our thirties, we become to get tired of these coping mechanisms. We discover that they are not working for us, we want to change. Often we try to change the artificial elements around us – work, location, partner, etc. Eventually we discover that it isn’t what is outside that needs to change but rather within and how we interact with the outside world. This is more difficult than a divorce or relocation. This means dissolution of our comfort zone, which although has caused us discomfort, is the only way we know how to live. Outside this zone is the unknown. No known cause and effect. No known aftermath. This unsurprising outcome that although has proved not to be healthy and beneficial, is at least known.
My own life lesson is to stand up for myself. Until now my coping mechanism was to flow and allow others to come before me. Call me a Jewish Polish woman who will suffer after so that others will be happy now. Call me a peacemaker who does not want to cause problems for others. Call me a good woman who puts others before herself. I call myself a “Loser” with the L on my forehead. This for allowing others to take advantage of me. When the truth is that I let them.
This can be best be seen at my day job (psychic work in my night job). I have been working for six years part-time job with very low pay in order to be available for my children. To pick them up from school; to stay home with them when they are sick; and to be basically be there for them. This may be as a result to the loss off my daughter to cancer. Before her death I was ambitious, now I just want to pay the bills. Even my psychic career is low-key because I put everything before it. Including a demanding day job which takes a lot of energy from me with very little return. Of course, me being me, I give above and beyond what is required of me.
I guess I got fed up the other day when after discovering I am not getting a financial bonus after working so hard that I just got up and left the office. I mean I raced out. I believe that I literally left tire marks on the parking pavement. I have since then declared a strike and have not done anything related to work for the past 5 days. As of yet, no one really contacted me for a meeting. I don’t know if this is a power game or I am just unnecessary.
We are a seasonal company and at the moment it is the high season. The guilt I feel for not working and providing the necessary service is high. This feeling is taking me out of my comfort zone. I was told that my boss is disappointed with my actions. Again this is feeding into my unhealthy coping mechanism of wanting to contact him and repair the damage. I believe(d) I am an essential part of this small company especially with the amount of effort and service I give. I feel hurt, guilt and anger all at the same time. I want to run back to stop these feelings. Yet I feel that in doing so I would have forfeited something more important than a possible financial raise, my life lesson. By standing up for my needs and desires before someone elses is a big deal for me. I know that I am over reacting but such is the way to overcome life lessons. With my clients I have learned that in overcoming life lesson we go from one extreme to the other. Eventually we will find the center balance.
In my constant internal struggle to know if I am making the right decision to continue and strike, I needed some sort of sign. It is very hard to be a psychic to channel for oneself. You ask for assistance from the spiritual guides but are unsure if whether you are hearing your spiritual guides or yourself. It can be very confusing. So I decided to consult the tarot cards. My choice was the Osho Cards. The cards that fell out of the pack when I took out the cards were Success and Maturity.
Maturity most spoke to me in that it says that this card shows that I have come to the right place in my life after much hard work. “Your base is solid now and success and good fortune are yours for they are the outcome of what has already been experienced within.” With no regrets about the outcome.
I still don’t know what will occur with my job. I kept thinking that I will hold a day job until such a time that my psychic job would pay all the bills but I am still not there. I trust the universe to provide me with the best outcome for me, whether it is to continue at this work place or find another (which I dread). I believe my current day job was supposed to push me to my limits and struggle in order to face this life lesson. For this I thank it. This struggle is more important than the money earned as it is only spiritual growth that will carry me to next life.