Sacrifices for the family

Lately I have been thinking of how I sacrificed my career for my family?  For years I felt that I was not allowing myself to advance as a psychic because I was too busy being a mother first and foremost.  Mornings I work a easy job to make sure money comes in, pick up the kids around 1 pm and then I am actively with them until bedtime at 9 pm.  I have been doing this for around 16 years and in the last 8 years I feel like I would like some more time to promote myself.  It would be nice not to be too exhausted after bedtime to  market myself, work on my websites, BLOG, etc…, although I am never too tired for client sessions.

Last week was the Jewish holiday Shavout.  Shavout celebrates the giving of the ten commandments at Mount Sinai by Moses after the exodus from Egypt.  It is also the agricultural celebration of the first grain harvest of the summer.

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Bikkurim (First Fruit) Celebrations at Kibbutz Gan Shmuel

My partner comes from a kibbutz and we celebrate many holidays with his family there.  During the yearly First Fruit celebration at our kibbutz, I started thinking about my offerings to this world. Then I started thinking that instead of being able to offer myself to the world as a psychic, I am still sacrificing my time as a parent for my young children and family.  This angered me a bit.  When is my time?  I felt like I gave up 16 years of my life to put my children first and still do not see the end of it.

I decided to open my new Osho cards to get some insight into these feeling of sacrificing myself for my family.  Three cards came up: Ordinariness, Compromise and Comparison.

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Ordinariness, Osho Tarot Card

My understanding of these cards was of enjoying the simple acts of ordinary lives, “the most mundane takes take on a sacred quality when they are performed with your total involvement, with  love, and for their own sake, without thought of recognition or reward.”   Meaning that I should find my offerings in my daily life with my children and enjoy each thing we do (which I do).  When I feel that I am compromising myself, sacrificing my time, I am living a half truth.  I started thinking that maybe I am using this “sacrifice” as a way of holding back, repressing myself in the name of my children.  At the same time, this causes me not to enjoy wholeheartedly my role as a mother.  The final card, comparison, closed the reading, a repeated lesson for me (see post). Why do I feel like I need to be in a different place at this point in my career?  Most of my friends are free to advance in their career but when they will be retired, I will continue to work as a wise old psychic.

I have been easier on myself after coming to this realization.  I was always wholeheartedly with my children, but now, at the end of the day, I am not angry at myself for not having the energy to work.  The beach / pool is more important than some website advancement.  My children give me more energy spiritually then the client across the world.  For the next year, my offerings to this world is a loving and active mother to my children, a good friend to those around me, and also a spiritual channel for my clients.  Without sacrificing myself for any of those roles.

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