The title is the Jewish honorific for those who have passed. Tomorrow is the 8th anniversary of my young daughter’s passing into the light from cancer. It is a difficult day. It is the only day of the year that I let myself get completely lost in the sadness of her absence. The rest of the year I see my beautiful girl, Ayala, and her memory as a great blessing in my life.
As much as the illness and the loss of my daughter was painful and difficult it did wake me up from a stubborn slumber. I was so comfortable in my way of life. Working only for the money and moving further and further away from my true self. Even after the illness entered our lives, I attempted to continue in my comfortable path. It was so difficult to break away. But after two years of fighting the dreaded disease (don’t get me wrong, there are some very good memories from that period) I was at a very different place. I was at the lowest point of my life with no work, no direction and I was just released from the role of taking care of a daughter. There was no where to go but up. And up I went.
I was a totally different woman with new psychic abilities that I discovered during this period. I now had to realize what I wanted to do, who I now was, and what I had learned from this experience. This was a new period in my life that born out of a great tragedy. Crazy as it may sound, I feel that that tragedy was also a blessing in my life. Ayala, who is often with me, also has communicated that part of her role in this life was to lead me back to my rightful path. It was a slap in my stubborn face to wake me up.
I believe that serious illnesses, car accidents, miscarriages, and other hardships are a red flag for the individual to make a change in their life. To pick themselves up from their current situation and heal themselves in the right direction. We can do so by ourselves or with the assistance of others. I always ask an acquaintance that has overcome a hardship whether they have learned their lesson from the incident. Often they have and they too see it as a blessing.
So on the eve of the memorial of my daughter, in the light of the memorial candle burning, I thank my darling daughter for all the beauty, love and happiness with which she blessed me with during her short life and after. I love you Ayala, you are truly missed.